Today was a check-up day. Everything looks good. I need to drink more water, but all in all, baby Graham is growing strong. We now have dates to choose from for the c-section - either the day before Thanksgiving or the Monday after. We have some time to decide.
I spent the afternoon with Marilyn and Sanna, both mothers whose baby girls died in 2006. It feels good to talk, share, cry, and remember together. Our little angels are with us every day and help guide us in every light.
We're approaching Emerson's first birthday. Not sure how we'll celebrate. I want to honor her in a special way and spend the day with Todd, Grady the old red dog, and baby Graham. If anyone has suggestions, please let us know. In the meantime, I really wish Toys-R-Us would stop sending me birthday reminders.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Anti-computer
So here's a good one. Last night as I was working with the laptop on my lap, I got a kick. And then another. And another. Baby Graham was literally kicking the computer, so much that it would move my laptop! She must have been annoyed that mom was working so late.
As more unique experiences happen with this little bun, it helps separate my feelings from Emerson. I think it's probably common to compare one pregnancy to another, but I have been feeling guilty about it. Now, as we continue to grow together, life becomes more about this little bambino.
Ooh, another kick. Better get off this thing.
As more unique experiences happen with this little bun, it helps separate my feelings from Emerson. I think it's probably common to compare one pregnancy to another, but I have been feeling guilty about it. Now, as we continue to grow together, life becomes more about this little bambino.
Ooh, another kick. Better get off this thing.
The Wave
During the ultrasound last week, we got a wave from baby Graham - with just the pointer finger. She gave us the "number one." The tech caught it and we have a picture of it. When I was sharing the pictures with folks at the refuge, that one picture struck up a conversation about different finger signs. They teased me that she really gave us the "middle finger." Then, I told them what Emerson had done, the ultra-cool pointer finger, pinky, thumb sign (think surfer dude). Erin told us that is the slang sign for "I love you." My heart sank. Really? Emerson flashed us "I love you." Just amazing. When I told Todd, his eyes welled with tears. Another moment of reality mixed with something greater going on in this world. Thank you God.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Ultrasound: 100% sure it's a Girl
Today we had our 20 week ultrasound. Everything looked perfect. Heart, brain, stomach, kidneys, bladder, placenta, umbilical cord, bones, mouth (no cleft pallet). Heartbeat was 150 beats per minute. And this is 100% girl. Her feet were crossed, and she remained active for the entire hour.
Our reality. It's all just the next step. We're relieved and thankful that baby Graham looks healthy. In reality, it all becomes very mechanical. There's not that giddy excitement that we experienced with Emerson. Naivety is gone. We both agreed that it is difficult to be excited and giddy until we have a healthy baby in our hands. In the meantime, we will continue to pray for this little girl, for her health and safety in the womb and at birth.
Our reality. It's all just the next step. We're relieved and thankful that baby Graham looks healthy. In reality, it all becomes very mechanical. There's not that giddy excitement that we experienced with Emerson. Naivety is gone. We both agreed that it is difficult to be excited and giddy until we have a healthy baby in our hands. In the meantime, we will continue to pray for this little girl, for her health and safety in the womb and at birth.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Week 20
I have heard from people that the blog is making them cry. This makes me realize that I've spent too much time focusing on Emerson here, versus celebrating the life of our new baby. In that effort, I realize I need to share more of our excitement and joy of our new arrival. Being week 20, half-way through the pregnancy, I will strive to focus on our new baby while Emerson will still help guide our spirit. I think this is what some would say, the healthy thing to do?
Tomorrow is our "real" ultrasound, hopefully confirming Casper's prediction this is a little girl. She has been moving around a bit more, and I will feel very relieved to take another peek at the little one, especially with Todd there.
I also decided to start a baby registry. We don't need much, as the nursery was almost ready to go. However, I was feeling like this baby needs to be celebrated with her own things. So, I focused on the items we still need plus more books and activities for Baby Graham to learn and grow. Babys R Us, Garnett Hill, and Land of Nod have our lists.
We think we have a name, although something may change at the last minute. So, when the baby is born, everyone will find out Baby Graham's name.
More tomorrow after the ultrasound!
Tomorrow is our "real" ultrasound, hopefully confirming Casper's prediction this is a little girl. She has been moving around a bit more, and I will feel very relieved to take another peek at the little one, especially with Todd there.
I also decided to start a baby registry. We don't need much, as the nursery was almost ready to go. However, I was feeling like this baby needs to be celebrated with her own things. So, I focused on the items we still need plus more books and activities for Baby Graham to learn and grow. Babys R Us, Garnett Hill, and Land of Nod have our lists.
We think we have a name, although something may change at the last minute. So, when the baby is born, everyone will find out Baby Graham's name.
More tomorrow after the ultrasound!
Monday, July 13, 2009
Home sweet home
After a great fourth of July in Big Piney, I had an amazing farewell at the Refuge last week. All of the staff gathered to wish me well, and they honored me with a nice plaque, card signed by all, and a carved owl. They didn't know the story - after Emerson died, a great horned owl came to visit us when the family was here. It was so touching, and kinda sad to leave.
I got home Wed night, while Todd was in the Centennials camping and doing a talk for a group. We had a quiet Thursday evening, and then headed to the Madison Valley on Friday. We enjoyed the night with our friends Annie and Bob Graham (not related) at their ranch. We woke to a beautiful day, and drove over to the Centennials to Red Rocks National Wildlife Refuge. We had a meeting there, surrounded by gorgeous views while trying not to get lifted away by a gazillion mosquitoes. Grady had had a very rough day (he has a condition where he has a very small breathing opening, which had swollen), so we wanted to get home rather quickly so he'd be able to relax in bed (almost the sole treatment when his throat swells shut).
So, now we're home for the week, camping this weekend with friends, and heading out again later next week. It's nice to not be living out of a suitcase for at least a few days.
Baby is moving, not on a regular basis. She's made some nice twists and turns and seems to be most active in late afternoon. I'm still paranoid about on which side I'm sleeping, and I don't know if that will ever go away. Ensuring this baby has oxygen at all times is my number one concern.
I got home Wed night, while Todd was in the Centennials camping and doing a talk for a group. We had a quiet Thursday evening, and then headed to the Madison Valley on Friday. We enjoyed the night with our friends Annie and Bob Graham (not related) at their ranch. We woke to a beautiful day, and drove over to the Centennials to Red Rocks National Wildlife Refuge. We had a meeting there, surrounded by gorgeous views while trying not to get lifted away by a gazillion mosquitoes. Grady had had a very rough day (he has a condition where he has a very small breathing opening, which had swollen), so we wanted to get home rather quickly so he'd be able to relax in bed (almost the sole treatment when his throat swells shut).
So, now we're home for the week, camping this weekend with friends, and heading out again later next week. It's nice to not be living out of a suitcase for at least a few days.
Baby is moving, not on a regular basis. She's made some nice twists and turns and seems to be most active in late afternoon. I'm still paranoid about on which side I'm sleeping, and I don't know if that will ever go away. Ensuring this baby has oxygen at all times is my number one concern.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Little Bun in the Oven
Today I went in for a regular visit with Casper. We visited for a while, listened to the heartbeat, and then she asked if we had taken a peek last time. I said nope, and she asked if I wanted to…of course! Todd wasn’t with me, and she hesitated and said, “Wait, do you want to find out without him here?” I asked her if she could see, write it down, seal it in an envelope and we’ll open it tonight. We went into the ultrasound room, Casper, Sarah (her nurse) and me…three girls giddy with excitement. Baby’s legs were crossed, as Emerson's always were, and as soon as Casper got the right view, she turned it away from me. She’s said she’s 90% sure she knows.
Todd got home late from spending the day in the Madison - it was grueling to wait for him. We sat down for dinner and I said, open it! He tried to drag it out, and I said open it! On the folded scrip page was written, "Girl" with a flower box around it.
Todd got home late from spending the day in the Madison - it was grueling to wait for him. We sat down for dinner and I said, open it! He tried to drag it out, and I said open it! On the folded scrip page was written, "Girl" with a flower box around it.
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