13 Weeks. Kicking and Headbutting.

I've been nervous as a cat. I didn't want to write anything cause I just needed to get through today. Leaving late from the Refuge, I drove, or flew to Bozeman to meet Todd at the hospital. We were scheduled for an ultrascreen, a first step at genetic testing for various disorders.

At the infant mortality walk last October, a minister here in town told his story. He's a military man in addition to being a preacher. He and his wife endured hell - pure hell. They had miscarriage after miscarriage. The military insurance wouldn't cover genetic testing until they had three. And four they had. On the fourth, they were going into their twelve week ultrasound (probably the genetic testing, now that I know what a 12 week ultrasound is generally for). They were excited, as this is the furthest they'd come. When the tech began the ultrasound, she gasped. He and his wife asked what was wrong, and to their sheer astonishment, the tech said, "The baby doesn't have a head. Let me go get a radiologist."

I went into today prepared for the worst - a missing limb, a heart not beating, a bulging spine, a thick neck, even a baby with no head. I have been worried since the 6wk4day ultrasound - freaked out that whatever story I hear, seems to come true for me. With Emerson, I wasn't worried about anything but the cord wrapped around her neck. Although that's not what happened, the same result ensued.

Before beginning, I was asked a number of questions. The hardest being, is this your first pregnancy. Later I explained to Stacy what happened, and her attention became acute. She gave me a warm blanket (literally, from the oven), poured warm goo on my belly, took a deep breath and began. There was a little human, but I'm not seeing the heartbeat. And that's the first thing she said, "See the heart? It's racing." Oh thank God. Head, heart, spine, and later feet, fingers, kicking, headbutting, twisting, turning, waving, soothing itself with a hand. An hour and a half later, we have pictures and a package with my blood is heading to North Carolina. We hear test results back in about 6 days, and from first glance, all looks good.

I'm feeling a lot of relief, and extremely connected to this baby. Tomorrow is our 12 week appt (a little late), and I look forward to sharing good news with Casper and Sarah.