A Space Between

It's been a while since I've written. It was a hard weekend last weekend, and I didn't want to write sad notes on our new baby's blog. But I realize, this may be the way it is for the rest of my life. I am always going to have Emerson memories and sad times will need to be acknowledged and celebrated.

Mother's Day. I am a mother without my baby. I pray that next year, our baby will be with us, happy and healthy. But Emerson will still not be here. I think about how old (I just mistyped this as "owl" - mistake?) she would be, looking for other babies around that may be her age. When we have our new baby, Emerson would have been just over one year old. This baby's big sister will have to live on in our hearts, and I will do everything I can to help Baby Graham know who his/her big sister is, was, and what she meant to us, without diminishing our love for our living baby.

On Mother's Day, Todd packed us all up and we headed up the Gallatin. We found a perfect breakfast spot, fit with a deck over the river, and cooked blueberry pancakes and bacon served with orange juice for breakfast. We spent some time soaking in the beauty and sunshine, the entire time thinking of Emerson and wishing she was right there with us. Afterwards, we headed over to the Boyers to pick up goat poo for the garden. That afternoon, we turned the soil, working in the goat poo, and planting vegetables for the summer. Again, all the while, thinking of our little girl who will always live on in our hearts.

So, Mother's Day has come and gone. Maybe it will be a happier day in the future, but there will always be a seed planted in my heart with Emerson. And I will always miss her, even on the happiest days.