Tuesday, November 17, 2009

It Ain't Always Black or White

In a world full of decisions, there often time comes when there is a gray area. After a very long, stressful day yesterday, our phone finally rang at 9:34. The assessment of Baby Graham's fetal lung development landed in the "borderline" area. The Fluorescent Polarization Test (FLM) measures mature lungs over 55mg/G, and we fell at 53 and got nervous. Our immediate thoughts were, what if we go too early and she ends up with respiratory distress? We'll be living the nightmare all over again. We don't want to put our baby in jeopardy from the start, if we can help it. But, weighing that with "going too long" and risking what happened with Emerson again would be unbearably crushing.

After talking to Casper again this morning, we feel confident in our decision to have an early c-section on Thursday, giving Baby G a few more days to "cook." The repercussions at this stage of gestation would be that she may need a little extra oxygen in the nursery. Ideally, we won't have to go there, but we are accepting that as an option when and if we need to face it.

We began our road to parenthood making extremely tough decisions last year. We know this is part of being parents, and we're willing to accept it. I guess I'm ready to get to a point of balance where there is more joy and happiness that outweighs the worry, fear, anxiety and hard decisions that come with being a parent. That part is all I know so far, and I look forward to the other side.

So, I wait with patience.

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