Just in case you didn't believe me, here's proof there's a bun in the oven. That little bun seems to be moving around a bit more too, which is a nice feeling.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
The Bulge aka Bump
Just in case you didn't believe me, here's proof there's a bun in the oven. That little bun seems to be moving around a bit more too, which is a nice feeling.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Meeting neighbors
Ahh, what sunshine does for a neighborhood.
As we were turning on sprinklers (yes, just now turning on sprinkler system at the end of June), I was sitting on the front porch swing. Our neighbor came home and we began chatting. She had been at her son's house for a BBQ, her long silver hair glistening in the warm sunshine. The more we all chatted, the more we learned about each other...and Todd and I sung her praises for moving in and taking the place of the awful renters that had preceded her (the partiers til the wee hours of the morning all summer last year). And then the ball dropped. She said she had lost her daughter in March, and I said we had lost our daughter in August. We immediately shared each other's pain. And then she told us she is Tara's mother - Tara was the woman who died in the Bozeman explosion in March. She apologized she had been so reclusive. My heart sank, as the explosion reached a new level in that moment. The conversation continued to turn, and we said we were pregnant again. She glowed and asked if she could do a smoke ceremony for the new baby (she is a first descendant of the Blackfeet Nation). Of course she can.
I look forward to getting to know Skip better. And I look forward to her sharing her blessings for our new baby.
The joy of sunshine.
As we were turning on sprinklers (yes, just now turning on sprinkler system at the end of June), I was sitting on the front porch swing. Our neighbor came home and we began chatting. She had been at her son's house for a BBQ, her long silver hair glistening in the warm sunshine. The more we all chatted, the more we learned about each other...and Todd and I sung her praises for moving in and taking the place of the awful renters that had preceded her (the partiers til the wee hours of the morning all summer last year). And then the ball dropped. She said she had lost her daughter in March, and I said we had lost our daughter in August. We immediately shared each other's pain. And then she told us she is Tara's mother - Tara was the woman who died in the Bozeman explosion in March. She apologized she had been so reclusive. My heart sank, as the explosion reached a new level in that moment. The conversation continued to turn, and we said we were pregnant again. She glowed and asked if she could do a smoke ceremony for the new baby (she is a first descendant of the Blackfeet Nation). Of course she can.
I look forward to getting to know Skip better. And I look forward to her sharing her blessings for our new baby.
The joy of sunshine.
There is a new song by Dave Matthews that talks about bad things that happen at the same time good ones do (...while babies are being born, soldiers are dying). I guess it has struck a chord with me on my daily drives to and from the refuge, and especially today.
While one close friend welcomes her new little boy, another has another failed IVF. While moms complain about not getting showers or sleep, I get a one year birthday reminder in the mail from Toys R Us. While one door shuts, another opens.
While I'm happy the BioBlitz is over (and I can't do anything to change it now, whether I like that or not), I will miss the place and the people. Amazing how in twelve short weeks, you bond with those around you. Sharing stories, getting excited over woodpeckers or porcupines in trees, pulling your hair out together, even losing sleep and having anxiety together. While at the event, I had another job offer to help organize a volunteer monitoring project. We'll see.
The highs and lows of life. They come and they go, and they are all what makes life tick. We would not know the sunshine if we didn't have the rain. We wouldn't know the joys without the sorrows. Maybe all the loss in life has more lessons in life than we realize...and offers us the grace we need to live life to the fullest with more zest and appreciation than before.
While one close friend welcomes her new little boy, another has another failed IVF. While moms complain about not getting showers or sleep, I get a one year birthday reminder in the mail from Toys R Us. While one door shuts, another opens.
While I'm happy the BioBlitz is over (and I can't do anything to change it now, whether I like that or not), I will miss the place and the people. Amazing how in twelve short weeks, you bond with those around you. Sharing stories, getting excited over woodpeckers or porcupines in trees, pulling your hair out together, even losing sleep and having anxiety together. While at the event, I had another job offer to help organize a volunteer monitoring project. We'll see.
The highs and lows of life. They come and they go, and they are all what makes life tick. We would not know the sunshine if we didn't have the rain. We wouldn't know the joys without the sorrows. Maybe all the loss in life has more lessons in life than we realize...and offers us the grace we need to live life to the fullest with more zest and appreciation than before.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Energy and Consumption
Does it sound like a physics class?
As I approach 16 weeks, I look and feel pregnant. Amazing. I even had someone say to me that the baby was going to pop any day, and when I said November, they almost fell over (okay, it was a man). I swear half of it is just my "baby weight" that has moved from my sides back to my front, where it was gained and cushioned little Emerson so well.
Energy is returning. Perfect timing as we round the corner to the big weekend of the BioBlitz this weekend. Here's a funny one - I mapped out where all the exhibitors would be. I put someone in charge of getting the tents set up. He and I walked it today, as he questioned some of my placements. When we rounded the corner of the building for the last tent, he says, "And you wanted one here?" I looked and there was a huge propane tank. I swear it wasn't there a month ago when I mapped this. I must have really had a pregnant moment when I walked the same path three times to ensure where we'd place the tents. C'est la vie.
Eating for two doesn't mean eating more, just better. I'm trying. I'm hungry on regular intervals, and I do my best to have a healthy snack. The ice cream is still amazingly desirable. I'm trying to keep my consumption to fruits, vegetables, small portions of meat, nuts, and milk (I hate milk, but seem to crave it while pregnant - just with a little chocolate). All this in an effort to build healthy skin, bones, and eyelids.
Sixteen weeks on Thursday. Let's keep the energy up, at least through the weekend, then time for some big rests!
As I approach 16 weeks, I look and feel pregnant. Amazing. I even had someone say to me that the baby was going to pop any day, and when I said November, they almost fell over (okay, it was a man). I swear half of it is just my "baby weight" that has moved from my sides back to my front, where it was gained and cushioned little Emerson so well.
Energy is returning. Perfect timing as we round the corner to the big weekend of the BioBlitz this weekend. Here's a funny one - I mapped out where all the exhibitors would be. I put someone in charge of getting the tents set up. He and I walked it today, as he questioned some of my placements. When we rounded the corner of the building for the last tent, he says, "And you wanted one here?" I looked and there was a huge propane tank. I swear it wasn't there a month ago when I mapped this. I must have really had a pregnant moment when I walked the same path three times to ensure where we'd place the tents. C'est la vie.
Eating for two doesn't mean eating more, just better. I'm trying. I'm hungry on regular intervals, and I do my best to have a healthy snack. The ice cream is still amazingly desirable. I'm trying to keep my consumption to fruits, vegetables, small portions of meat, nuts, and milk (I hate milk, but seem to crave it while pregnant - just with a little chocolate). All this in an effort to build healthy skin, bones, and eyelids.
Sixteen weeks on Thursday. Let's keep the energy up, at least through the weekend, then time for some big rests!
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Baby's moving
I thought I felt something yesterday, and today it was confirmed. The baby is moving, and mama can feel it. What a nice little joy to add to my day. I love the surprise of the movement.
Monday, June 15, 2009
12 Days until BioBlitz
So, maybe it's stress and maybe it's hormones, but I definitely have some zits popping up. Lovely. Almost 35 years old and have a zit on my chinny chin chin. I remember breaking out about this time when I was preggers with Emerson - thinking it was the surge in estrogen. Possible girl again? Or just stress getting ready for the big day...Bitterroot BioBlitz.
I am officially in maternity clothes and look pregnant. Part of that is my big belly that had not gone away shaping into a nice pregnant looking belly. I vow right now that after this baby is born, an exercise regime is in order. I want to do more swimming and cycling - the fun stuff. I'd love to get back into a kayak or water ski/hydroslide again one day soon.
Our weekend in Idaho was a nice respite from the usual. It's gorgeous there - Todd's aunt and uncle live at the base of a ski hill with a tremendous view of Lake Pend Orielle. The trees, moisture, water, and sunshine were good for the soul. It's also nice to know we can go there anytime - and I can guarantee we will make that a summer spot at least once a year from now well into the future.
Nothing much else to report. Just waiting on a kick.
I am officially in maternity clothes and look pregnant. Part of that is my big belly that had not gone away shaping into a nice pregnant looking belly. I vow right now that after this baby is born, an exercise regime is in order. I want to do more swimming and cycling - the fun stuff. I'd love to get back into a kayak or water ski/hydroslide again one day soon.
Our weekend in Idaho was a nice respite from the usual. It's gorgeous there - Todd's aunt and uncle live at the base of a ski hill with a tremendous view of Lake Pend Orielle. The trees, moisture, water, and sunshine were good for the soul. It's also nice to know we can go there anytime - and I can guarantee we will make that a summer spot at least once a year from now well into the future.
Nothing much else to report. Just waiting on a kick.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
14 Weeks - News from Sarah
Today Sarah (Dr Casper's nurse) called. As it appears on my phone, "Big Sky Women's Specialists." I wasn't sure what to think, forgetting that I was waiting on lab results. Then I remembered. I also thought I remembered that she'd call only if something was wrong.
She said she had gotten the test results back. My heart raced. She said everything looked great. What a relief! She asked if I wanted the numbers or just to know it's all okay. I want numbers, are you kidding. For the Down's at my age, typical is something like 1:250 (the numbers are written down at the office). For me, it turns out 1:6,065. For the "tri's," at my age the normal is 1:250 (again, an estimate from memory). For me, it's 1:12,750. I'm okay with these, and we probably won't go any further.
Sarah asked if everything was going okay. I told her about my ferocious headache that has been a persnickity little &%$# since last Saturday. I also used some Nasonex (a steroid nasal spray that I was on before going off most drugs with Emerson). I finally had some relief today, so I let her know that. It's a grade C on the safety list, but Sarah was going to check with Casper if it was okay, looking at my chart to see I did use it last summer too.
So, I'm feeling good. Ready to feel baby. I remember feeling Emerson at 14 weeks, and I'm crossing my fingers for an early kick.
She said she had gotten the test results back. My heart raced. She said everything looked great. What a relief! She asked if I wanted the numbers or just to know it's all okay. I want numbers, are you kidding. For the Down's at my age, typical is something like 1:250 (the numbers are written down at the office). For me, it turns out 1:6,065. For the "tri's," at my age the normal is 1:250 (again, an estimate from memory). For me, it's 1:12,750. I'm okay with these, and we probably won't go any further.
Sarah asked if everything was going okay. I told her about my ferocious headache that has been a persnickity little &%$# since last Saturday. I also used some Nasonex (a steroid nasal spray that I was on before going off most drugs with Emerson). I finally had some relief today, so I let her know that. It's a grade C on the safety list, but Sarah was going to check with Casper if it was okay, looking at my chart to see I did use it last summer too.
So, I'm feeling good. Ready to feel baby. I remember feeling Emerson at 14 weeks, and I'm crossing my fingers for an early kick.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
13 Weeks. Kicking and Headbutting.
I've been nervous as a cat. I didn't want to write anything cause I just needed to get through today. Leaving late from the Refuge, I drove, or flew to Bozeman to meet Todd at the hospital. We were scheduled for an ultrascreen, a first step at genetic testing for various disorders.
At the infant mortality walk last October, a minister here in town told his story. He's a military man in addition to being a preacher. He and his wife endured hell - pure hell. They had miscarriage after miscarriage. The military insurance wouldn't cover genetic testing until they had three. And four they had. On the fourth, they were going into their twelve week ultrasound (probably the genetic testing, now that I know what a 12 week ultrasound is generally for). They were excited, as this is the furthest they'd come. When the tech began the ultrasound, she gasped. He and his wife asked what was wrong, and to their sheer astonishment, the tech said, "The baby doesn't have a head. Let me go get a radiologist."
I went into today prepared for the worst - a missing limb, a heart not beating, a bulging spine, a thick neck, even a baby with no head. I have been worried since the 6wk4day ultrasound - freaked out that whatever story I hear, seems to come true for me. With Emerson, I wasn't worried about anything but the cord wrapped around her neck. Although that's not what happened, the same result ensued.
Before beginning, I was asked a number of questions. The hardest being, is this your first pregnancy. Later I explained to Stacy what happened, and her attention became acute. She gave me a warm blanket (literally, from the oven), poured warm goo on my belly, took a deep breath and began. There was a little human, but I'm not seeing the heartbeat. And that's the first thing she said, "See the heart? It's racing." Oh thank God. Head, heart, spine, and later feet, fingers, kicking, headbutting, twisting, turning, waving, soothing itself with a hand. An hour and a half later, we have pictures and a package with my blood is heading to North Carolina. We hear test results back in about 6 days, and from first glance, all looks good.
I'm feeling a lot of relief, and extremely connected to this baby. Tomorrow is our 12 week appt (a little late), and I look forward to sharing good news with Casper and Sarah.
At the infant mortality walk last October, a minister here in town told his story. He's a military man in addition to being a preacher. He and his wife endured hell - pure hell. They had miscarriage after miscarriage. The military insurance wouldn't cover genetic testing until they had three. And four they had. On the fourth, they were going into their twelve week ultrasound (probably the genetic testing, now that I know what a 12 week ultrasound is generally for). They were excited, as this is the furthest they'd come. When the tech began the ultrasound, she gasped. He and his wife asked what was wrong, and to their sheer astonishment, the tech said, "The baby doesn't have a head. Let me go get a radiologist."
I went into today prepared for the worst - a missing limb, a heart not beating, a bulging spine, a thick neck, even a baby with no head. I have been worried since the 6wk4day ultrasound - freaked out that whatever story I hear, seems to come true for me. With Emerson, I wasn't worried about anything but the cord wrapped around her neck. Although that's not what happened, the same result ensued.
Before beginning, I was asked a number of questions. The hardest being, is this your first pregnancy. Later I explained to Stacy what happened, and her attention became acute. She gave me a warm blanket (literally, from the oven), poured warm goo on my belly, took a deep breath and began. There was a little human, but I'm not seeing the heartbeat. And that's the first thing she said, "See the heart? It's racing." Oh thank God. Head, heart, spine, and later feet, fingers, kicking, headbutting, twisting, turning, waving, soothing itself with a hand. An hour and a half later, we have pictures and a package with my blood is heading to North Carolina. We hear test results back in about 6 days, and from first glance, all looks good.
I'm feeling a lot of relief, and extremely connected to this baby. Tomorrow is our 12 week appt (a little late), and I look forward to sharing good news with Casper and Sarah.
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